The Face in the Wall(i)

He supposed he could see the face if he tilted his head a little to the right. Perhaps if he almost closed his eyes and then slightly opened them it was a little more obvious. It seemed more pronounced, and then not so. Was that crease the mother smiling at her baby, or where the arm caressed the child and held it safe. It was no use! He could not see it today.

It did not worry him too much, he had long since decided that it did not matter whether the image of a Madonna was there or not. It did not matter even if some people heard the virgin speak to them in dulcet tones. He would never have that sort of experience. He was not that sort of man.

He knew he was a holy man, but he knew also that true holiness prevented you from admitting that you yourself were holy. He certainly never talked about it to anyone. Even when you wanted to make a point to show how things moved on, when it was necessary to encourage people to help them see how they had progressed.

He felt guilty when he cited himself as an example.

He knew he had moved, he had once been a young priest full of enthusiasm but of immature faith. He did not take long to realise this. He had only been ordained a few months when he realised he had limited resources to bring to people.

He was reassured only by the insight of the colleague who told him that it was sufficient to stay at least "one step ahead" of people who sought his advice or teaching. This simple truth had seemed to be borne out in practice, by and large it was mostly possible to stay that one step ahead.

It was a pleasant town. He had been happy here , in many ways he had been happier than he had been in other places. But this did not inevitably lead to the conclusion that he could believe in this particular apparition. He quite wanted to at times, it would be nice if the world was like that. But somehow he could never quite believe that it was.

"Good afternoon Rector"

He recognised the voice but he couldn't see the face. As he turned round the glare of the sun flooded the face of the speaker so that instead of instant recognition he was dazzled completely.

"Oh my goodness!" He exclaimed throwing his hands into the air, "is that you Penny?"

" It certainly is. Who did you think it was? The Blessed Virgin Mary!!"

He guffawed foolishly, and she joined him in the raucous laughter.

"So, you're still trying to see it.. You know you never will."

"You're right of course," he sighed, "these things are reserved to the faithful few. Faithful I may be, but few I'm obviously not.. Let's go and have a drink!"